Sunday, February 18, 2007, 8:05 PM
me..you remember them happy chinese new year everyone!!!wahahaha...its the year of the pig..and it has been nice piggint out..but its always the after effects that create the headache..did you guys enjoy the first day of the cny?? apparently ppl my age should. apparently, this year the horsey ppl are supposedly v lucky..so have you kinda lyk playin cards..with just a tinnie winnie bit of money..lykshld be havin fun..haha..but still.. luck aint everything..sometime..such stuff are just a way to escape from all the troubles that you push to the back of your head. really..i dont see the reason for such a big reaction..k..maybe it was really v big..but its big enough for me. i donthvin such a big reaction towards other ppl.. izzit just me being overly sensitive again? but really, the way they said it is like i have made a super big mistake that i could possibly regret for the rest of my life. and like the ppl there will all be bad and i am i grave danger of becomin a failure too. and that i should follow the footsteps of other ppl so as the remain "safe" and remain "sucessful". to me, i still think that s total crap. i m humane and warm blooded person who thinks life is not life if you do not associate with other people. and if you recall, i m a people person. and i belief my pri sch teachers would agree. i ll die if i dont talk..actually, i think my sec sch tchers n friends wld also agree. imagine. a speechless ariana...**horrors!!! my gosh. imagine what the world would become!!...and besides. i ll like to think of myself as someone intellectually capable of handlin my studies and good social life perfectly well unlike other people who HAVE to live life secluded just to be able to score well..and please. what i have chosen is not pinning myself in a small range of choices..to be exact, i can do alot of other stuff from here. but its also thru here that i d be one more step closer to my ultimate goal. this just shows that i aint aimless like you. wait, you aint aimless, just that you aint achieved after so many years in your life. sad. but for me. i have time. and i seriously belief that one fine day. not too far in the future, i d be able to achieve my aim. even though i know its hard, i ll stilll try. if not, i also have a v nice back up plan which aint any worse from my ultimate aim.so just wait and see. xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp.
its just that, i dont like goin to some where which is suppose to make you feel comforted and warm to actually hurt you and make you feel bad. i guess, sometimes things just aint as nice as you thought. but still..you nd to love people the way they are..if god could love a sinner like me, i should be able to love people like me. so right now as i m brain washing myself to love others, i just really wanna thank god for loving someone as socialble as me..someone who cannot stop crappin..and a sinner like me..woohoo....i feel better after crappin so much and being so sarcastic..haha..still cant kick the habit of goin rounds to shoot people..haha..i should stop..before i bang myself in the butt..wahahahahaha
happy cny people..may our chu er be filled with more money, food and laughter..wahahahahahaha..lol.....-.-//
Friday, February 16, 2007, 8:21 PM
3 entries in one day. funny..all three in totally different tone. different mood...different topic..if only i can write so much during essays..haha..today has a really mixed up day..just really slacked through today..then really suay..kena caught playin cards..during the cny celebration..v sad lar..then will have disiplinary action..but i leavin aj le lei..dun wan leave with such a sad ending le lor..make me dun wan go sch nxt wk lor..wade..but i ll miss my class..they are all really nice ppl..and of course..and ss ppl oso lor..then coz today nvr bring hp..really handicapped..coz kena caight muz do reflection thingy..so lyk everyone go off first..and tt s why i went bac ta sch late..sad..i think i missed out on some ppl..sad..then after tt 4/6 wan go sg..but i really broke..and dun wan owe ppl money over cny..if not i sure live up to reputation n cont owe ppl through out the yr..not something v nice..haha..so yupps...wenta mac with gedine n anki lor..then after food then went to sg find them..haha..funny..coz anki n i juz went in n no one stopped us..but we oso nvr eat..much lar..haha..juz kahpo-ed abit of meat n sotong..haha..che n polly oso dun lyk anw..so i juz merely hlpin them eat their share wad..haha..them lao ma at hm whole day alone le..so go hm earlier pei ta lor..haha..i think i use too much adrenaline this morn..now abit sian sian de..hiaz..dunoe lar.mood has been up and down today..hope tomorrow will be better.........
, 8:08 PM
what is done is done.nothing much i can do about it. But still..i have no idea of what to face in the future.But i can only just wait for God to work me. to guide me into the path that he has planned for me. even though it has been hurtful and painful to hear what people has been sayin..i just wanna say that it's not that i wanna leave you guys..instead i ll miss you guys lots and lots and lots..my gosh how m i goin to survive without you guys..but i think..it would be better for me there..so yar..just please stop makin me feel bad k...
, 7:27 PM
wwwwaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
confusion confusion confusion...crap crap crap crapology..its just..i didnt feel at home..coz..mayb i dont trsut them tt much..but..something inside me bugs me to not trust them as much..i just cant..its not tt i do not wan to..but something inside me just cant..its not that we dont spend enough time together or anything..but..how to say...as in...some where some how..a part of me is still dere with SAC..i cant help it..i really cant..you think i didnt try?? there was i time i didnt think SAC was home..felt awkward..felt out..but when i went bac..i felt so..warm..as in..i dont know..jess may kill me for saying this n stuff..but..the feelin at SAC is really much better..maybe its due to the fact that i hv been there all my life till that period tt i didnt go anywhere at all..the periods where i have been drifting..but..
crap..james really has the gift of the gap..asking v precise qns all the time..but.. i know in some way i m wrong.but i dont think i am totally wrong. i admit..the passion aint as strong..but it doesn mean it aint there..all i want is something that would let me bring out the best in me..not for myself..but oso for god..i wouldnt be able to do anything gd if i aint comfortable and feelin insecure..i m willing to give it another try..but..i will..i promise..next week or something..what you have said is right..i ll try..
again..
Thursday, February 15, 2007, 8:23 PM
few people ask me..are you scared? or will you regret?
i think..decisions like these is the same as a hair cut. at first, you really want the hiar cut. and you really need it. then, as you hair is being cut, you start to get worried. will it be nice? will i like it? will people around me like it? then after your hair is cut, you have mixed feelings. you miss your old hair style, yet you some how kinda like your new hairstyle..yet still abit unsure about you new hair style. and, as usual, new hair always dont look as good. its normally only after a few washes after a few days that it would shape into that best look on you. its really the same. if you know what i mean...
i really feel that these few days, my entries are getting v literature-ish..the hints and touches of literature feel in my entries..it makes me start to think. maybe i could have and should have went to jc and into the arts stream. also meaning that i could have went to vj arts. haha..but, i still think there is no future in taking arts. but then again..i dont know how to say lar..
and as my classmates would know, i didnt go to school today. and as i didnt go to sch today, kena sabo into doing that speak ezy thingy..crap. its totally not my thing. i dont do prepared speeches, and i aint good at it. the only thing i m gd at, is crapping. literally. thats all i do. i cant even say stuff with substance. you guys should know better that to let me cause our class to throw face. so beware. i ll be back in school tomorrow..and you guys are going to get it from me!!!lol..anw..i dont know wad else to say..and right now, my mum is askng me not to go to sch tmr..haha..hhmm..tempting..but i nd to go to sch tmr..nd to settle stuff and i m goin bac to andss..i ll rather my dad drive me in the morn then end up goin bac to sch myself. and besides, i ll still need to be in uniform. so might as well go to aj and play cards or sumthing..haha..
Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 7:23 AM
if you look at the time, i can tell you its darn early in the morning. normal sane people who have today as the day off would still be snoring away. its not that i m not sane. its just that my loving parents woke me up just so that i could register before typical singaporeans wake up and end up hogging the system. so i went pass through the system with ease and as i type my entry, my printer is sealing my fate. of course i could still go back and change, but with the cost of $10. but, that would be dumb. even though i cant find a reason to support this statement, i noe many out there who would agree with me. do you want to know my choice? right now, i aint telling. just let me calm down as i accept the fact that my fate has been sealed. at first i wanted to do it another way, by letting god decided, by putting a partial as my first choice. so i may get in, or i may not. but then, i remebered the horrible days of not knowing where to go or what to do during the first one month. if i can do something i may sure of so that i can start planning what to do and know what to look out for whats coming, aint that better? so yar..for people who know me that well and are close to me, i think you d ardy know my choices..so..yupps...
i ll see you when i see you...
Tuesday, February 13, 2007, 12:35 PM
recall how its funny if you think back on how time passes..as in..how things seem to happen actually just a minute ago..but it is actually at least a year ago..especially when you are in a different environment..or at least, goin into a different environment. and right now.i am so lost and so confused of where to go..and i technically only have bout 27 hours left to make my decision before its too late..times always come for you to meet a cross road..but, its always only awhile after you went onto that path that you know whether it is the right or the wrong.i seriously donthavin such a big trouble deciding where to go. lyk in p6, i knew for sure that i wanted to go to a gd mixed sch..and the only sane option would be andss..and i really lyked it..as in..when i do stuff..and make decisons..i do it based on my six sense..my feeling..if i felt i belong, i know i would. but now..there are so many other factions confusing me. life really really gets more complicated as you get older and know more things. things cant be as simple as it could when you were young. and as the clock ticks, i get more frustrated of being thrown on so much choices..actually, i d wish i had less choices, that someone would confine me..tell me what choice to make or something..and i used to had someone who i could trust and listen to..lyk tt time in sec3 where i didnt know to take hist or lit..and results proved that it was right that i had listened..and i have always listened..until today..where things have become different, where things are done for v different purposes. i guess..things really do can can change in time rite............
but for right know, i guess its time I make my own decisions. and hopefulyy, it is the right one that i would not regret.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007, 8:45 PM
hhmm..i need to blog before my parents chase me out again..
i got alota things to blog lar..i dunoe what to say first..hmm..um..
let me list out wad i nd to blog first b4 i forget all my thots..this is gonna be a long post man...
wads gonna happen on fri
wad happened todae
wad happened ytd(polly bdae)
..hhmm..i shld start frm ytd..then easier..coz i got lots ta say bout the rest..haha..
yar..so ytd was polly's bdae!!!happy belated bdae!!..ur 17!!only one for yr n you can start watching m18 horror shows...haha..lol..polly..really heng lar..thats all i can say..even the word heng abit off..but i dun wan kena killed by her is i use other adjectives..haha..but yar..she got really really sweet bdae gifts..gifts that was really from the heart and not material presents..really abit sian mu ta lar..but..i guess..she deserves it all..she IS that nice lar..haha..polly..see..i so wei da rite..haha..tuo ni de fu..i get free icecream n maybe lunch..lol..haha..
yupps..and today..hhmm..i really dunoe what to say lar..hv lots of mixed feelings..i really dunoe what to say..first period was gp..went up for speak easy crap impromptu..really just crapped lor..and yar..as the usual me..i crapped alot..crapp for more then the minimum 2 mins..lol..haha..this just goes to show that i can really crapp..haha..and gp tutor actually thought i prepared..funny...i where got so hardworking de..lol..then econs lecture..OMG lar..i had no idea..completely no idea at all..really didnt expect such stuff to happen..as in..i had always thot i was the only one..and everyone else to be on the other side..but..yar..i had no idea..i really lyk be discret bout this..then lyk..be neutral lar..dun lyk go re3 anything...but i think..its getting from dumb to dumber lar..i mean..aiya..dunoe how to say lar..ppl hu noe will noe wad i trying to express..
then today in chem lab..nat pulled a jamesk..as in..similar..but yet not similar..aiya..dunoe how to say..but wadeva i m trying to say..its a compliment..anyway..yar..as in..wad he said really made sense lar..but..as wad i always say and will say again..diff ppl hv diff thots and perspective..you cant expect everyone to be the same..if not..we can all just be clones..we also cant expect everyone to like or hate the same person..god made us all different..no matter how hard we try to follow jesus's footsteps..we still aint him..as in..our mentality will always be diff lar..so yar..i still stand where i am..even though i dont really um...appreciate...i ll just stay the way i am..the way i hv been surviving for the past few weeks..aiya..to ppl out there..if u noe i mean you..read...just do what you think is right and be true to ur heart lar..most of the decisions i make is oso by feel de..lol..but yar...this kinda thing hv no rite and wrong de.lol..
man..i sound so preachy...but yar..haha..once in a while lar..and my post is so long!!..lol..
but yar..i still hv ta say bout fri...i think i have waited for this day for quite some time le..and it think i am surprisingly calm..comparing to others...as in..i really aint worried..really hv high expectations and stuff lar..but juz keep faith and trust in GoD..but if that's not the path He wants me to go, i ll accept wad He gives..really..i ll see how it goes lar..just counting the days as it passes..hopefully in a blink it d be fri..but..even though i want my results..as in..lets just say..if i gonna go jc..wad jc m i going to go??i really dunoe..shld i stay in aj?or go else where??coz..the longer i stay in aj..i keep thinkin..actually..if i stay in aj..there are its pros too..if i stay in the same class as in with those ppl... and hv the same timetable...actually..it aint that bad..but still...there ARE things that make me wanna dun go aj..hiaz..dilemma..aiya..see lar see lar..haha..
tmr..really tempted to go other school..hiaz..dunoe...see lar...
live happy!!! i m a happy happy person today..haha
Monday, February 05, 2007, 9:10 PM
horse sheep pig cow tiger..haha..took this frm beishan's blog..haha..go visit her blog if u wan noe wad it means..haha..i gving her free publicity..lol..
anw..back to main topic..http://www.moe.gov.sg/press/2007/pr20070205a.htm
it ll be out on fri..2.30pm..and i ll get my hp plan!!!!!!wahahahaha...poor me..currently surviving without hp lei..i pro rite..for bout 2wks + le lor..haha..i really have lots to say..but i pissed my parents off too much alrdy..cant afford to do so again..i ll write down then type when i can ///so yupps...can u andsec ppl on fri!!!!
