Saturday, July 22, 2006, 10:53 PM
k kz..i went to yhope today.. n NO i aint betraying LYnC.. i guess..but yhope was really nice really refreshing n really fun. i got my questions answered my doubts cleared..myself renewed.. i guess i ll be going to yhope again. n maybe again. the ppl there are nice too..colder then zhiyan..but really nice ppl.. feel really much better going there. i got the answers i needed so desperately. actually i knew the answers all along. it was right in front of me. i was just too blind to recognise them..things are goin great..gota go!!!
, 10:22 PM
ytd was super super slack..except for chem prac that is...coz morning assembly took alot of time, so we had to do the two diff parts at two diff time. 1st in 1st peroid.second during recess. was super hard. didnt noe how to do the qa on ester. didnt know wad to write. n esters stink. who ever said it s sweet smelling must have had blocked nose. anw,besides chem, there was nothing much. eng was slack as usual. dragged recess. so didnt attend any math lesson. went to mps to get ready. ended up slacking..lol..wasted time away. then tried to do my hair proper.lol. must really thing liting n lanqi for helping me. but hair gel was really sucky. hair itched like hell after the dance. wenta fort canning. the first rehersal was horrible. the sun heated up the black stage. so the stage was burnning hot. but after that things were better. then there was the crappy phtographer who was taking really random photos of us. it was really annoying. luckily he's only from the dance ppl. then started tooking lots of photos..love my hp.
us snrs grp photo
me n che mummy..[i look terrible compared to her]
me n huimin..
me n lanqi mei mei
me n xinlin
me n fionna[i think she v chio...lol..]
after the performance, went to the toilet to wash up. hair gel was really itching!!was in the shower..i dont know how i did it..but i came out rather dry..at least my shoes didnt get wet..lol..wanted to buy the dance shirt..but didnt have my size...wenta the grass patch to watch performance..sat with naomi n 4/7 ppl..
the balloon was bought by naomi i think. she stuffed it onto my head..lol..the dance was quite gd..those dancers are really gd.even arkar thought so..with the exception of men in tights..lol..
tt's bout all....
Tuesday, July 18, 2006, 8:13 PM
i aint rushing for time today. this morning i woke up quite early.woekn by alarm at 6. took my a few seconds to register that there was no need to go to sch. then i went on back to slp. by the time i woke up again it was 8. then went to the computer. had nothing much to do.so searched for new blogskin.and thus ended up with this. then saw james came online. [//actually b4 he came online, i saw his post on my blog. it really made me ponder, reflect. alot. it made me feel that i was back to square one. ALL OVER AGAIN. that what i have been tryin to ignore, put aside till Os is over or sumthing. that i keep thinking that i aint ready for this. even though part if me really wants it. really want to be like them. to have to courage to go out. to step out of my comfort zone and do something. serve. i always think that i am too young too dumb to immature in that way. that i aint cut out of it. \\n i still think that way..but tt's beside the pt\\but i started thinking all over again. i m still stuck here with nothing accomplished. wad if i get knock down my a car tmr? even though mum n dad always say ur job now is to study and do it right. that everything else can wait till after Os. but after Os, there's still As. after As, there s still uni n it goes on and on. when ll i ever have the time, the opportunity. wad if some thing happens out of plan tmr? the time IS drawing near. i can feel it. it really is. [which reminds me, i have not finished readin revelations yet.] some thing made me want to talk to james and ask him stuff. i got really harsh answers from him. nothing comforting. juz really really harsh words. but words and answers that were straight to the point and cutting. words that make perfect sense. stuff that you have always know but denied and tried to ignore but has never gone away. i still dont know my choice. NO. i know my choice. i juz need the courage to make that choice.]
anw. coz of chatting. not chatting um..talking to james i ended up late to meet che mei n dancers. in the end they helped me take the dance shoe thingy. then we went yoshi for brunch. then chatted til naomi came. then che mei n i left to go shopping. lol. spend quite alot i guess. but its the last time i m probably doing this till after Os. made mum pissed by forgetting the time. so left early. meet mum did sum stuff at the bank then came home. so here i am now.
[after talking to james, i grabbed the book that mum got me b4 my bdae as my present. its from life book store. i chose it. i wanted to do some thing. then there was preps n other worldly stuff. so it got chuck aside. its now in my bag.
i really should do something dont i. its really time i did something right? i need to do it. i owe it to Him. i dont want to do it for the sake that i OWE it to Him even though its oso true. i want to do it coz i love Him.
but thats the thimg that i am scared of most.that i fear most. that i dont want to happen. that i dont love Him. i m really scared of finding the answer to that question. i want to love Him. But do i? i... ...
i should go.
Monday, July 17, 2006, 9:20 PM
i gota type fast.coz dad gave me only 10 minutes..funny how i always start with the same thing..always surf the net until time is almost up then i blog. anws..juz watched pirates of the caribbean..totally rocks. it has ORLANDO BLOOM + Johnny Deep + DISNEY..what better movie can there be?lol..thats the best combination EVER..lol..yar..anw..today after movie went home..then walked from mrt home..just had a sudden..actually shouldnt say sudden..but, um..a feeling. it just felt that my life was as good as it gets. i really wouldnt mind if time stopped now. i would gladly allow time to stop. life never felt so good..i have everything that i ever wanted..except that i shld really get closer to my BIG daddy.. that i shld really really live a christian life as wad i heard this sun. and do what i am suppose to do. but other then dat, i m really really really contented the way things are now. really really happy with all that i have the way things are going. i have my parents, n i know they love me. i have really good friends and as long as they dont ditch me, thats as good as it gets. school wise, its not that i am failling anything at the moment [b4 they return prep papers but its gota be sum time ltr..anw..] so i m quite happy with the way things are.and material wise, i have everything that i can ever want. i have everything material off my wish list. all thanks to really good friends who gave me all those stuff for my bdae. its more then i deserve. really thank you all soooo much..
just really scared this happy n perfect moment would be gone..fear that lyk suddenly tmr if i lose something or hv quarrel with che or meimei..or sum really good friends or do sumthing wrong to make parents pissed or lyk..sum freak accident happen tmr...but we just have to keep on walking on to work towards a better future dont we?
